The anticipation of loss

It comes in waves. Rolling in under the surface and then hitting with the force of a tsunami. This feeling of already missing what I have not yet lost. I think this ‘pending’ missing may actually be worse than the actual thing. Once I am gone I will miss my life and the people here, but my “new life” will be starting and will help keep my mind off of it. But for the moment I don’t have the luxury of that distraction. Being here I am being continually smacked in the face with the knowledge that the missing is coming. Will this be the last time we sit down for tea together? The last time we are passing the day just sitting under a tree talking? The last political debate? The last bush taxi ride? The last offer of sacrificing a chicken to find me a good husband? The last nightly soccer game, last dolo run, last conversation in the dark under thousands of starts, last everything? It’s coming. The end is coming quickly, but the anticipation of loss has already hit the shore.

Sit back and relax

Go figure that one bug, albeit one very large bug, can kill my whole evening. Never being a big fan of bugs (honestly how I got the nickname bug is beyond me), I have found my nemesis in the scorpion carrier. I hate these bugs, technically a spider, with a passion. Or better put they make me jump and put my feet on the chair like a little girl (I do pride myself that I don't also squeal). These creatures, 'bugs' sounds too small, are the size of my hand. They are extremely fast and resilient, I can empty 1/2 of insecticide on one and it is still going, while I'm getting nauseous on the smell. Also these creatures run in no particular pattern, they'll even run right at you. Then they'll disappear for a few minutes until you finally start to relax and then here they come again. Even after killing one you can't really relax because the thing has been so spastic about running all over your house (oh did I fail to mention it was in my house) that you're not completely sure that there was only one. And no, their name is not deceiving, they really do carry scorpions sometimes, isn't that a great mix. So go ahead, sit back, pick up your book and relax and enjoy your evening now.