The anticipation of loss
It comes in waves. Rolling in under the surface and then hitting with the force of a tsunami. This feeling of already missing what I have not yet lost. I think this ‘pending’ missing may actually be worse than the actual thing. Once I am gone I will miss my life and the people here, but my “new life” will be starting and will help keep my mind off of it. But for the moment I don’t have the luxury of that distraction. Being here I am being continually smacked in the face with the knowledge that the missing is coming. Will this be the last time we sit down for tea together? The last time we are passing the day just sitting under a tree talking? The last political debate? The last bush taxi ride? The last offer of sacrificing a chicken to find me a good husband? The last nightly soccer game, last dolo run, last conversation in the dark under thousands of starts, last everything? It’s coming. The end is coming quickly, but the anticipation of loss has already hit the shore.
posted by Krista @ 12:56 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
This is some pretty poetic language for you. I am sorry that you are already experiencing the loss and the feelings associated with leaving. I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of your time there. I have watched my staff experience what you are going through the last month of every summer. They begin to only see the end and are unable to enjoy the time they have left with each other in this time they have left in this place they have come to see has home. I will be praying for you that you are able to live life to the fullest now and grieve for the loss when you come home. I love ya!
Hey, we have chickens here I can kill, if you want me to.
If you think it will help. ;o) Maybe I should start doing that for your sister.o0 Though she might not like the idea!
I am praying, too, that your "missing" will allow you to enjoy these days to the fullest! And when you're REALLY starting to miss being there, remember these two things:
1) The scorpion carrying spiders that we DON'T have at home.
2) how much we have MISSED YOU over the past 2 and 1/2 years!!!
May God grant you His joy and strength and peace as you enjoy your days in BF, and in someways we too will miss the contact with this group who have become an extended family for us, through you.
Greet them for us, and be sure to say, fair-well for us too!
Dear Krista,
I can imagine the mixed feelings you must be having. You've been there for 2 years. That's a long time and the transition is big. There are people who are sad at your leaving and those who are happy at your returning. It's a bittersweet experience. You are in our prayers.
Love, Mari and Ken
Two whole blogs in one sitting... wow. :o) You know we miss you here. Enjoy everything about BF you can... even the "bugs". :o) Looking forward to hearing about all the things you loved about Africa!
Post a Comment
<< Home